Life is NUTS!

Before school started I was writing a post a day and now I am so busy that I haven't had time to write in a week!! My classes are hard and I am mega stressed out and wondering what I got myself into! There are so many papers to write and subjects to research and math to work on and ALL my Law stuff to figure out!!! Between school and work and soccer and Chas working 2 jobs, our paths have barely crossed. We see each other for about 5 minutes every day.

A good friend of mine came in this weekend and it has been so much fun! Our moms went to college together and our families have been friends for years. Last night Patrick and Emily and I all went out to downtown Nashville. HOLY CRAP! What a night!! Chas was wonderful to let me go and spend the night in Brentwood with Emily and we partied hard. It has been years since I have been able to go out and have a really good time like that and I really needed that time with my sister and good friend. We took a cab to and from Nashville and when they came to get us it was in a Lincoln Towncar! I felt like a celebrity when we got dropped off in front of that club. Patrick put the vibes out that no one was to come on to Em and me and we had a very fun night!

Sunday I finally decided to make the effort to get to know mom's new boyfriend and it did not go very well. It was finally real to me that my mom and dad are really divorced and it was the first time I really got to grieve my parents divorce. Mom's boyfriend is very outspoken and has a very poor delivery when he talks to you and we had some drama. I went back today to try to work it out and be the bigger person but it is hard when you have a man that is basing his judgement of you on what someone else tells him. I believe that our relationship will be tolerable but that will be all. Today was very emotional for me and I hope that the pain I am feeling goes away one day. I am grieving hard and my heart hurts so bad. I miss my mom and dad and their marriage and I miss who my parents used to be together. It would be different if I was 6 or 7 when they got divorced because I wouldn't have so many memories but I am 27 and have lots of memories and now there is a man in my moms life that is coming off like he doesn't want my family in their new life. I made it clear to him to day that he isn't my dad and never will be and that I have a dad and plenty of good male role models in my life and that as of now he isn't welcome in my life, especially if he plans on continuing throwing rocks in my box and name calling. I will accept him as my moms boyfriend but that is all I am capable of right now and I hope my mother will respect that and be patient. At this point I think I doubt that will be the case.

Emily, Patrick, Chas and I all went out to dinner tonight with no kids and had a GREAT time! It is so good to be surrounded by people who love me and make me laugh. Patrick is leaving in the morning and I am going to miss him terribly. He has made such an impact on my whole family and has been a great source of support to me and my sister during this major change in our life. He went through a divorce with his parents at an older age and knew exactly what we were going through. He also downloaded some GREAT music on my ipod and I am enjoying it as I write this! There is something about Jack Johnson that makes me smile and lift my heart. I forgot how much I liked his music.

Well I am off to bed. Charlie is sleeping in his crib for the first time in Max's room and I am expecting a long night. It was time and Chas really pushed me into this move. I have been bending alot this weekend and while it is uncomfortable it is time I learn that you can bend but you don't have to break. It is a hard lesson but I will survive. This has been a weekend of firsts for me and while very painful, quite a bit cleansing. I will survive this. I have to!