Dreaming

Today was an awful day. Chas called me this morning to make sure I was up to take Catie to school and go to work and he asked me if I spilled something in front of the washer. I told him no and went downstairs to investigate. There was a river running through my kitchen!! I traced the source of the water to a leaky hose on our hot water heater. I called maintenance (at 7:00am) and left a message. Thank goodness he is our neighbor and he was right over to turn everything off to stop the leak. I refuse to mess with any of that stuff, that's why we pay rent! So as Im cleaning up the mess, Chas sends me a text message and all it said was Mike died. I started to cry. I never met this man and don't know him but he was my brother-in-laws father and he was sick for a very short period of time. He had cancer that quickly took his life. I cried for my nieces, Bailey and Ashley, and I cried for my brother-in-law and April, and I cried for a man who wasn't going to get to see his grand kids grow up. I remember when my grandfather died and it was a terrible time for our whole family. It has been almost 14 years since my grandpa died and I miss him more and more everyday. Im glad that Mike is no longer in pain and Im not quite sure his death effected me like it did. I think it is because he died of lung cancer and I have smoked for almost 13 years and it scares me......................

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So after the whole no water situation and having to keep Catie out of school and taking her to work with me (not a good idea, Catie and Max fight too much), I settled into my daily routine. The day really drained me and I HAD to take a nap this afternoon. Both boys slept for a good amount of time and I got a nice little nap in today!

As I was fixing dinner I walked barefoot in my living room and as I walked by the closet my feet squished. There is something new leaking in our other closet and the carpet is soaked. We can't find the leak and I have had to take everything out of this closet. We don't have much space here and so the way that closet is packed defies the laws of gravity. So ALL that stuff is now stacked in my living room. What a way to start my day tomorrow!

Chas and Charlie are asleep on the couch and I took a few minutes to look for a desk for myself! I need something to put my laptop on and study. I have a ton of books and have no real place to do my studies. I found a few desks and headed over to the kids rooms section. I looked at bunk beds with a slide for the boys and a beautiful canopy bed for Catie and all I could do was dream. These are things that my kids have never asked for and I doubt they ever will but they are still things that I want to be able to buy for them one day. This ability to dream has really fueled my drive to finish school and be a huge success and provide for my kids in a way that we surely can't do right now. My aunts and cousins are trying to put money together for a new recliner for my grandfathers birthday and I felt so bad because they were all contributing $50 and all my family could pitch in was $25 and even that will be a struggle to come up with right now. I want to be able to throw in $100 or more and while that is not a reality right now I know it will be one day. I will be a success. I watched my Aunt M and cousins struggle and go through all the hard times and yet my Aunt has a PhD and teaches at a University now. She didn't finish all her school until she was older and she did it! She is part of my inspiration as well.

Sorry this is such a rambling post. It has been a tough day and my mind is racing with everything that has happened. I am going to climb into bed with Charlie and read my Sociology book. I should be asleep in no time!